So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
