Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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