I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
