You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
