I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
