What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
