"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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