Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Define "chronic" masturbator.
So many bounce houses so little time
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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