Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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