her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
