That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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