He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize