I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
