I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it's like iHOP with fire
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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