Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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