cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dick very happy bro
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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