Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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