We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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