now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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