wrigley field is MILF paradise
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
