just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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