You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
