Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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