she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
