I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
