I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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