Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
