what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize