At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
