she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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