Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
