I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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