I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
