Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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