I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize