just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
