Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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