we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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