Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
