Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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