Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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