the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
