after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize