So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
