I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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