you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
