Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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