I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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