Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
