Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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