i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
