Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
