anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize