Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
