he puts the penis in happiness.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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