At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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