hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
