There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he thought i was a dude.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
