He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize