Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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