I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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