My nipple is on Facebook.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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