I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
