it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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