I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Sober January is a disaster.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
