so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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