I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize