he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
