Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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