I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I want a musical about memes.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
