How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
