If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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