do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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