Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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