You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
