1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
