All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
