you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dicks are not precious.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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