How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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