no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
