we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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