I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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