he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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