did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
