I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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