I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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