WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
