God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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