Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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