I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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