right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
