he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
