every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
