It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
