can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
