Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
