My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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