ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
