Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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