I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
