i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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