don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize