Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
