my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
