A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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