the new term for farting is butt boxing.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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