The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I need moral support for this bender
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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