Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Less talking, more tequila
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
