I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize