I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
