We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
