if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
