I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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