Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
