But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
