Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I touched a dick in church today
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
