i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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