i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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