just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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